getting away from the mundane

I recently had a conversation with some of my friends about how couples tend to slowly get into a level of conversation that is very mundane, away from the elevated and uplifting that characterize the beginning of the relationship when everything is new and you want to find out as much as possible, discuss different points of view and see what the other's plans and goals in life are.

why is that so? maybe because in the beginning, there's so much investigation to do, so many questions to ask and different points of view to figure out. once the excitement has worn off, it's easier to get into the lull of "what do we need tonight?", "who should do the shopping?", etc. and then we just continue on our day...

but then this quote comes to mind:

Verily I say, the tongue is for mentioning what is good, defile it not with unseemly talk.
- Bahá'u'lláh

I'm not saying that the mundane conversations are unseemly, they're even downright necessary - consultation and communication about even the simplest things is key to a successful relationship. it's more the danger of getting stuck in these types of conversations, and not exploring new arenas of thought that is the worry. if the union in marriage is the foundation for a healthy society, shouldn't the couple be more open to new information?

so how can couples manage to get themselves out of the everyday and mundane? if we are to be able maintain a high quality level of conversation for an extended period of time, we need to expose ourselves to new activities and thoughts, ideas and conversations from other people - becoming outward-oriented in our thought and reach, spending time with those that may not have the same points of view as we do, just to get some new insights into life.

another way is to read. a lot. read different books, from various authors and sources, and then talk to people about them. share ideas and thoughts, reflections and learnings. it is a very good way of getting out of old thoughts and habits, ways and manners.

here is another insight from farnam street on what happens as we get older:

As the years go by we view our familiar surroundings with less and less freshness of perception. We no longer look with a wakeful, perceiving eye at the faces of people we see everyday, nor at any other features of our everyday world.

we have to be open to new impressions, and like a child be willing to constantly learn new things. so what if we don't figure things out at the first attempt or fail? let's try again!